October 17, 2013

Never run out of things to say

A lot of guys have a fear of approaching. This can be for a number of reasons, but a big one is not knowing what to say AFTER you’ve approached. Most guys can get the courage to go up to a girl, but start to worry when they think about what they are going to say after the first sentence.


Many people make the mistake of asking questions early on in an interaction, but this can easily make the girl feel like she’s being interviewed. An excellent way of developing the conversation without asking questions is to make assumptions. The best assumptions are ones that just come naturally to you. What do you notice about her? What does it look like she’s doing? Where does it look like she works? Does she remind you of something or someone in particular? What can you imagine her doing? If you can, then incorporate a bit of a tease into the assumption too. That will work even better

Listen and Relate

Assumptions will help you to start the conversation but you can’t keep making assumption after assumption forever. That would be stupid. After you make an assumption, don’t make the mistake of listening to her answer then jumping straight into another assumption. Her answer provides you with all kinds of information which you can use to rip on her / build a connection. You just need to LISTEN to what she’s saying and comment on it. If you’re struggling to think of things to say to her then try to relate it to yourself. We all have life experiences so try to use them. If she mentions working at a restaurant then how can you relate that to something in your life? What experiences do you have with restaurants? Have you worked in one? Do you know people who have worked in one? If she mentions football then how can you relate that? Does it make you think about playing football as a child with your Dad? Does it make you think about going to see your team play a match? Whatever she says you should be able to relate it to yourself in some way. If you can’t think of any way to relate it to yourself, then just make an assumption about the topic. Be honest. Say “You know what, I don’t know anything about that, but I imagine…” then follow with the assumption. If you’re really struggling and you can’t think of anything at all then be honest about that too. Say “You know what, I don’t know anything about that at all. Can you tell me more about it?”. They key is to listen to what she’s saying and respond to that. Then you’ll never run out of things to say.

It’s not just down to you

Remember that a conversation is a two-way thing. At the start you’re going to be making most of the effort, and you have to accept that. But if the conversation is moving along and she’s not really contributing then it says more about her than it does about you. If she’s sticking around and hasn’t made excuses to leave then she’s probably interested - but don’t be afraid to move on if she doesn’t really understand how a conversation works!


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