Dating Foundations

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March 23, 2015

Why rejection doesn’t matter

We’ve all had those approaches.

You go over to the girl, say your opening line and she gives you a look of pure disgust, as if you just took a dump on her Grandma’s grave.

You go home and ponder over it for hours, wondering what you possibly could have done wrong. What could YOU have done differently to stop her rejecting you?

But did you ever think that maybe it wasn’t you that was the problem at all?


It wouldn’t matter if she was ugly

OK so imagine that girl wasn’t hot. Not even close. She was a 3/10 at best.

Picutre what she looks like in your head now.

You were just approaching to be nice.

But she gave you that look and then turned her back on you. How do you feel?

“Oh man, what a bitch.”

Or maybe…

“If only she was better looking maybe she’d be happier”.

Right? So why do you feel different just because she’s hot? That doesn’t mean she’s nice or even remotely pleasant to talk to.

Don’t place her on a pedestal just because she’s hot. Plenty of girls are hot. You want more than that.


It’s more about her than you

When you’re cold approaching, the reaction you get is more about how she’s feeling than what you say.

If she’s in an amazing mood, then pretty much anyone could say anything and get her talking.

But maybe she just broke up with her boyfriend. Maybe she’s ill. Maybe she just failed her driving test. Got poor test results. Failed University. Grandparent just died. On her period.

There’s so many things going on in a girl’s life (they tend to have a bit more of a complex social dynamic than us guys do). There’s an infinite number of things that she could be mad or upset about before you even approach. If her Dad just died do you think it’s going to matter much what you say to her? How you stand? Whether you touch her or not?

If she turns you away then it’s not necessarily because you did a bad job.

But on the same hand, if you have a great interaction… that’s not necessarily all down to you either.

And this last one may come as a surprise but she may actually have a boyfriend and not want to cheat on him because she’s a loyal, decent human being. Shocking I know. But these girls do exist.


A stranger’s opinion doesn’t necessarily hold value

If she says something personal then it can be a bit daunting. It can sometimes even make you scared to approach again.

“What makes you think that you can just come up to me in the street?”

“Do you really think that I’d give you my number?”

“You think you’re some kind of pick-up artist or something?”

If a girl said those comments and they’d make you feel bad, then ask yourself why.

Does a stranger’s opinion really hold any value in your eyes? Why would it? Just because she’s hot?

Be careful whose opinion you value. Plenty of people will feed you bullshit just to try to bring you down to their level. Just because they’re not happy with their lives.

If her opinion really holds no value then it can’t hurt you.


The girl is a reflection of your approach

I believe that most of time it’s more about the girl more than it is about you, but that doesn’t mean you should just run up to a girl and say whatever you like. There’s definitely certain things you can do to swing it on your favour.

So while a girl that’s in a bad mood may just reject you regardless of what you say, there are situations where she doesn’t completely blow you out, but calmly says “no thanks”. These are the situations that you can learn from.

If she looks scared then you were probably too full on. Did you speak to loudly too quickly, did you approach her by grabbing her from behind, did you forget to smile?

If she tries to walk away straight away then did you give her a reason to stay? Did you mention why you approached her, did you make an assumption or say something else to start a conversation?

If you get her number but then never get her out on a date then she probably isn’t attracted. Did you communicate or sub-communicate your interest? Did you display any attractive qualities? Did you speak too quietly or raise your voice at the end of every sentence? Did you not make enough eye contact?

With these type of rejections she often gives you all the information you need to improve. Just look at her reaction.